Kouhaku Utagassen 2003 Scouting Report (part 2)

White Team

• Gospellers: (3rd appearance) "Shin Osaka"
  Amazing how this group manages to keep getting invited back, when other similar groups have fallen by the wayside so quickly.

• SMAP: (12th) "Sekai ni Hitotsu dake no Hana"
  I think this song was the only million seller of the year. Personally, I thought it was a boring song, but I guess if SMAP sings it, people will lap it up like kittens at a saucer of milk.

• Tetsu & Tomo: (1st) "Nande darou"
  This group is a one-trick pony, and it's a pretty irritating trick at that, yet they still managed to last more than a few months. Nande darou?

• TOKIO: (10th) "AMBITIOUS JAPAN"
  The image song for Japan Railway's new commercial, and actually one of the less stupid sounding songs TOKIO's released in their career.

• Moriyama Naotaro: (1st) "Sakura (Dokusho)"
  Has there ever been a time when you just look at a guy and hate them, even though they've done nothing bad to you? Well, that's how I feel about this guy, so if you like his music, don't take it personally when I say I'll be finding something else to do when he comes out.

• Yuzu: (1st) "Hokousha Yusen"
  The lone remnants of the J-Folk boom of a few years back. God only knows what sets them apart from the likes of Something ELse and 19(Juuku). Maybe I'm used to thinking of Simon & Garfunkle when I think of folk-pop music, but I find Japanese folk to be incredibly pedestrian.

• 175R: (1st) "Sora ni Utaeba"
  You pronounce their name "Inago Rider," or you can just be like me and call them "just another one of those so-called former indies groups that sound awful and sing stupid songs." See Mongol 800, Shaka Labbits, and Road of Major.

• w-inds: (2nd) "SUPER LOVER"
  Even by J-Pop standards, the lead singer for this group is pretty tone-deaf. Raising the group to such a high level of popularity is not exactly what I'd call the best strategy for getting J-Pop artists accepted as world-class musicians.

• EXILE: (1st) "Choo Choo TRAIN"
  I have some friends who are absolutely in love with this group. As a result, I have to hear their music every time we hang out. On the one hand, the songs have really grown on me. On the other hand, I'm just about sick of them already, from the over-exposure. Quick line from the song they're singing: "Fun fun, we hit the step step ... Heat heat beat's like a skip skip." Um, yeah... right, whatever you say.

• Gackt: (3rd) "Last Song"
  Maybe I just haven't been paying as much attention to J-pop as I should have been this past year, but it just seems to me that Gakt really hasn't done much of anything, and yet here he is again.

• CHEMISTRY: (3rd) "YOUR NAME NEVER GONE"
  Ah, yes. Yet another song which demonstrates the Japanese people's amazing grasp of the English language.

• Hanawa: (1st) "Saga"
  I'll admit, I cracked up the first time I saw this guy on Music Station. He's got pretty good comic timing, but I wonder if he's creative enough to keep his material fresh.

• BEGIN: (2nd) "Sono Toki Umareta mono"
  The boys from Okinawa back for another spin on Japan's biggest music extravaganza.

• Hirai Ken: (3rd) "Miagete Goran, Yoru no Hoshi wo"
  First off, I have to say that I think this dude is one of the best pure singers in all of J-Pop, and I really like a lot of his songs. That said, he really does look just like a baboon, don't you think?

      Recap: I think out of the whole White team, the only group that I'd really be curious to see is EXILE. The rest of the bunch is pretty bland stuff.

      Picking the winner this year is going to be tricky. Since the number of wins is even between the two teams, there's no status quo that needs to be kept, so either team could be given the victory. I wish I could be present to watch the officials flip the coin back stage to decide who to choose.