Kouhaku Utagassen 2003 Scouting Report
      Yes boys and girls, the time has come once
again for the annual New Year's Eve extravaganza, the Kouhaku
Utagassen. Here's this year's J-Pop lineup, along with projected
song and commentary.
Red Team
- Aiuchi Rina: (1st appearance) "FULL JUMP"
Oh wow, that must be the surprise of the year. A GIZA artist
actually appearing at Kouhaku. Just don't let her get too
close to Hamasaki Ayumi. Who knows what happens if the
hot air filling both of their heads were to somehow combine.
- Aiko: (2nd) "Andromeda"
One of the artists that I like enough not to hate her, but
not enough to buy her CDs. A very talented song-writer, and
who knows how far she could have gotten if she actually were
cute.
- Amuro Namie: (9th) "Put 'em Up"
Now that Komuro is gone, Amuro has gone from being Eurobeat
queen to Janet Jackson wanna be. Scary thing is that she's
one of the few J-Pop artists that can even come close to
pulling it off. Still have no idea what she saw in V6's
Miyake Ken, though.
- Every Little Thing: (7th) "Mata Ashita"
At least they won't be singing "Fundamental Love," the biggest
"drunken broad" song I've heard since Mariah Carey sang
"Open Arms."
- Kahala Tomomi: (5th) "PLEASURE"
What?! This air-head is still around?! Yes, I said that last
year, too. If I remember correctly, this is the song she sang
for a "Crayon Shin-chan" movie. The strange thing is that
Shin-chan is vastly superior to Tomo-chan in both intelligence
and maturity. He might be a better singer, too.
- Zone: (3rd) "Boku no Tegami"
For those of you wondering, no I have not gotten tired of ZONE.
I'm just waiting for their album to come out because I will
not buy copy-protected singles (on principle, of course).
Personally, I don't think that TAKAYO leaving the group will
seriously change the group dynamic that much.
- Nakashima Mika: (2nd) "Yuki no Hana"
The Kahala Tomomi of the new millenium. The air-head act is
so passe, all fashionable ko-gals these days just act brain-dead
and detatched.
Read somewhere that she's gonna be in some movie where she
has a "daring" underwear scene. Not like her skinny little
body is all that much to look at anyway.
- Hamasaki Ayumi: (5th) "No way to say"
People ask me if I watch her little talk show, "Ayu Ready."
To which, the answer is no, because if she were to ever have
Fukada Kyoko on as a guest, I'd lose half my IQ just listening
to the mindless chatter that would go on between the two of them.
- Kuraki Mai: (1st) "Imitation Gold"
Aiuchi Rina appearing on Kouhaku is one thing. This little bit
really surprised me. I know NHK has been pursuing her for
years, and I'm surprised she finally said yes. If Tak
Matsumoto appears to back her up on "Imitation Gold," then
NHK would have quite a coup on their hands.
- Goto Maki: (1st) "Daite yo! Please Go On"
For years, she's carried Morning Musume. 2003 got to see
how well she could do all on her own. Overall sales weren't
as good as MM in their prime, but when you figure she doesn't
have to split profit 10+ ways, I'd say it was a pretty good
deal for her.
- Shimatani Hitomi: (2nd) "Genki wo Dashite"
Ah, yes. AVEX's very own Cover-Artist Supreme. Anyone who thinks
that she's a mediocre singer at best should see her try and act.
- BoA: (2nd) "DOUBLE"
The only AVEX artist that I actually still care about. If she
follows the typical AVEX formula, then her next album should
be a single collection. If so, then I'm there.
- Matsuura Aya: (3rd) "THE LAST NIGHT"
Okay kiddies, let's count how many sexual innuendo Tsunku's stuck
in his song titles over the course of the past year alone.
But seriously... no, this is Matsuura Aya, so there's nothing
there I can take seriously.
- Morning Musume: (6th) "Go Girl ~Koi no Victory"
Is it just me, or did Tsunku give up on the Suckalot-gumi
and Ochikobore-gumi idea awful fast?
      Recap: I think I'll be keeping an eye
on the Red Team, if for no other reason than because I won't
have to put up with the likes of MAX, hitomi,
or Koyanagi Yuki.
White Team Report: