Kouhaku Utagassen 2003 Scouting Report

      Yes boys and girls, the time has come once again for the annual New Year's Eve extravaganza, the Kouhaku Utagassen. Here's this year's J-Pop lineup, along with projected song and commentary.

Red Team

• Aiuchi Rina: (1st appearance) "FULL JUMP"
  Oh wow, that must be the surprise of the year. A GIZA artist actually appearing at Kouhaku. Just don't let her get too close to Hamasaki Ayumi. Who knows what happens if the hot air filling both of their heads were to somehow combine.

• Aiko: (2nd) "Andromeda"
  One of the artists that I like enough not to hate her, but not enough to buy her CDs. A very talented song-writer, and who knows how far she could have gotten if she actually were cute.

• Amuro Namie: (9th) "Put 'em Up"
  Now that Komuro is gone, Amuro has gone from being Eurobeat queen to Janet Jackson wanna be. Scary thing is that she's one of the few J-Pop artists that can even come close to pulling it off. Still have no idea what she saw in V6's Miyake Ken, though.

• Every Little Thing: (7th) "Mata Ashita"
  At least they won't be singing "Fundamental Love," the biggest "drunken broad" song I've heard since Mariah Carey sang "Open Arms."

• Kahala Tomomi: (5th) "PLEASURE"
  What?! This air-head is still around?! Yes, I said that last year, too. If I remember correctly, this is the song she sang for a "Crayon Shin-chan" movie. The strange thing is that Shin-chan is vastly superior to Tomo-chan in both intelligence and maturity. He might be a better singer, too.

• Zone: (3rd) "Boku no Tegami"
  For those of you wondering, no I have not gotten tired of ZONE. I'm just waiting for their album to come out because I will not buy copy-protected singles (on principle, of course). Personally, I don't think that TAKAYO leaving the group will seriously change the group dynamic that much.

• Nakashima Mika: (2nd) "Yuki no Hana"
  The Kahala Tomomi of the new millenium. The air-head act is so passe, all fashionable ko-gals these days just act brain-dead and detatched. Read somewhere that she's gonna be in some movie where she has a "daring" underwear scene. Not like her skinny little body is all that much to look at anyway.

• Hamasaki Ayumi: (5th) "No way to say"
  People ask me if I watch her little talk show, "Ayu Ready." To which, the answer is no, because if she were to ever have Fukada Kyoko on as a guest, I'd lose half my IQ just listening to the mindless chatter that would go on between the two of them.

• Kuraki Mai: (1st) "Imitation Gold"
  Aiuchi Rina appearing on Kouhaku is one thing. This little bit really surprised me. I know NHK has been pursuing her for years, and I'm surprised she finally said yes. If Tak Matsumoto appears to back her up on "Imitation Gold," then NHK would have quite a coup on their hands.

• Goto Maki: (1st) "Daite yo! Please Go On"
  For years, she's carried Morning Musume. 2003 got to see how well she could do all on her own. Overall sales weren't as good as MM in their prime, but when you figure she doesn't have to split profit 10+ ways, I'd say it was a pretty good deal for her.

• Shimatani Hitomi: (2nd) "Genki wo Dashite"
  Ah, yes. AVEX's very own Cover-Artist Supreme. Anyone who thinks that she's a mediocre singer at best should see her try and act.

• BoA: (2nd) "DOUBLE"
  The only AVEX artist that I actually still care about. If she follows the typical AVEX formula, then her next album should be a single collection. If so, then I'm there.

• Matsuura Aya: (3rd) "THE LAST NIGHT"
  Okay kiddies, let's count how many sexual innuendo Tsunku's stuck in his song titles over the course of the past year alone. But seriously... no, this is Matsuura Aya, so there's nothing there I can take seriously.

• Morning Musume: (6th) "Go Girl ~Koi no Victory"
  Is it just me, or did Tsunku give up on the Suckalot-gumi and Ochikobore-gumi idea awful fast?

      Recap: I think I'll be keeping an eye on the Red Team, if for no other reason than because I won't have to put up with the likes of MAX, hitomi, or Koyanagi Yuki.

White Team Report: