1. Allowed to wear any brand and color running shoes you want.

2. Sex drive reduced without the need for messy castration.

3. Shrouds only necessary after particularly inferior marathon efforts.

4. A runner is defined by his vehicle, so would never abandon it.

5. Runners don't follow their leader blindly, they draft off of him.

6. Bo don't know running.

7. Heaven's Gait (see Gebresellassie)

8. Running Entry fees already greater than $5. Based on entry fees versus ride on spaceship, running is already at a Higher Level.

9. Runners would use gore-tex rather than plastic bags.

10. Due to sweaty clothes, no more than two runners could or would ever sleep in the same room.

11. Runners would want to see what happens first-the next appearance of the comet or an American winning a marathon.

12. If runners heart rate registered zero, they wouldn't think they were dead, they would think their heart rate monitor was broken.

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